theres nothing more painful than seeing or picturing something you've never want to picture. hey, let go, he said, let go, she did. well, thats what i get for being a dumbass. she might have been the best thing that have ever happened to me and i screwed it up badly.

cold kitchen is done and im going for western tomorrow. the first day i entered the cold kitchen, i hated it so much, as i progressed through the week, i was starting to like the cold kitchen on how they prepare their mise en place (meaning preparing the ingredients before making it, just like setting up a table before the guest comes to dine). the presentation, the everything.

getting to know almost everyone is amazing. the some sort of love hate relationship found in the kitchen is intense as you will most definately come across people you would never even think of meeting. some have their bad sides, the others pure culinarians but the most of all, each and everyone of them has talent and passion about their work. the only problem is, is culinary the thing for me? i wouldnt mind working now as i have gotten used to it so quickly. meeting new people and learning alot more than college.

sometimes life brings you to places you've never dreamed of. maybe thats why i am in this line of work. maybe thats why i am doing what i am doing and including the past.

how would you picture you're self when you're the third wheel? would you feel honoured? would you feel proud? would you feel happy? would you feel worried? all the feelings in the world cant explain what i went through. because i, myself cant explain it.

this whole experience for me, meeting new people, learning new things and so on would never be forgotten until the day someone digs a 6 ft hole for me. it's just amazing. especially the experience. i wouldnt mind training over and over and over again. as long as i get to meet people and learn things. it's just a fantastic feeling. i love culinary.

sigh, i miss my ex.
rick.

its been a month plus since i posted. i've been really busy and really lazy with work and writing reports every wednesday night and handing it in on thursday.

so far, i've gone to the chinese banquet and malay banquet. currently i'm at the pastry department. i didnt turn up for the first day as i overslept. not that i didnt want to attend pastry but i just couldn't wake up. so i got screwed for that hence writing an apology letter to the hotel, executive chef and HR department. so yeah. ending pastry in two days and going to butchery next. i might not be going to butchery but we'll see how it goes.

my results just came out for this term and i passed it, with a 12.39 over 20 average. better than my previous terms. proud but wished i had done better. so thats all about college.

recently, i've been pondering on a lot of things.

1. how my life would be if i was still with jac.
2. how my life would be if i was still in LUCT.
3. how my life would be after graduating from Taylor's College.
4. Will i ever find another true love again?

p.s. to keesama, im sorry for not replying earlier but here it is, myflashbox.
to XY, i miss chatting with you too. i really do. this is the most vulnerable time now. i feel like shit. please do msn me if you have the time. really need someone to talk to. thanks.

i dont know why but i feel like crying over the past. it's been haunting me lately and i've been covering up all the sadness inside by tiring myself out in work everyday. i'm always scared of being judged by other people. i just want to be loved again. is that too much to ask for?

i want to be loved again.
rick.